Monday, March 17, 2014

T E L E V I S I O N / My Mad Fat Diary 205


"I’m thinking about moving away.‘Cause I’ve got no other reason to stay. Have I?"

I hate it. I hate it, but my God, this episode was incredible. I don't think I've ever watched a show or a movie that had made me so uncomfortable or so disgusted at myself for watching it afterwards. With episode 5, My Mad Fat Diary definitely crossed that line. And you know what the worst thing was about all of this? With the train of events that have happened so far, you can completely see this happening. I think the greatness but also the troubling aspect of this series is that it's so intimate and it is displayed so realistically that it drags the audience in. As a viewer, I sympathize and about 99% of the time, really relate to Rae and even see her as her own person. This is where episode 5, for me, drew that barrier between audience and character. I couldn't help Rae. She's fictional, but she's also so very real. And the fact that I couldn't be there for her and help her out through the times where she needs it makes me feel incredibly gross, as if I became a bystander to a crime.

But let’s back up and start from the beginning before we get into the nitty gritty.

The episode started off as a normal MMFD episode would. Cheery happy, just usual Rae comparing her life to others and her and her mom getting into a bit of a spat that you would THINK would get resolved by the end of the episode in normal episodic fashion. I think this was one of the great things about the writing of this episode in contrast to the series we’ve seen so far. We have expected the formula of problem > Rae working it out > happy solution > another problem to lead into the next episode/an emotionally driven twist in the last 5 minutes that would lead into the next episode. This episode followed the general beginning but 2/3rds in, everything got f***** up fast.

We get to see more into Chloe’s life a bit more, her family especially. We also see the new group of older guys that she hangs out with. At first glance, you can see the sleaziness written all over their faces. I figured it would be a one off thing, and would be resolved when Rae could see past their bull, but I was wrong. There’s also Finn’s new 24 year-old girlfriend, Olivia who he has started seeing. When I learned that she was that old, I started wondering, how in the world did these two meet and is Finn really that much of a lady magnet? Either way, Chloe’s older guy friends and Finn’s older girlfriend pushes Rae to act like an adult in a span of quite a short time. There, a guy starts taking interest in her (the ugliest wanna-be Aaron Paul look-a-like of the 90s) and they laugh and hang out. This leads to issues with her mom and general butting of heads. At this point, I was ready for a scene to take place—probably when Rae takes her to get the ultrasound done—for their relationship to be mended. I mean, their arguments have never gone to the extent of Rae being kicked out, but it always seemed to be headed in that direction especially with people as stubborn as these two.

This led to Rae learning more about her father, what he looks like and where he lives. Though I had always wanted to know who Rae’s father was, after this episode, I didn’t care for him at all. He has simply been out of Rae’s life for too long that it’s obvious he may call himself a father but will never actually accept all the responsibilities and characteristics that a proper father should have. He, like the general first half of the episode was relatively forgetful or dulled in comparison to the second half.

The pivotal scene was definitely the one that required the most trigger warnings. It should have been plastered all over the screen just before Rae went into the bathroom, to be quite honest. Maybe even a announcer to exclaim: WARNING WARNING. But, I went in blind and watched strangely as Rae and Chloe participate in this older crowd, trying to play up to the stereotypes and obviously on Chloe’s part, seizing the attraction of a guy by engaging in a female-female kiss. I watched as Rae went into the bathroom, expecting her to wash up and leave, return to a nice warm bed and day dream of Finn and his loveliness. If there was something I was wrong about, this would be it. This would smash all my wrong guesses to ashes. I started crying as I watched her struggle, heard her voice crack as she pleaded no and almost wanted to simultaneously puke and castrate the guy whose name I don’t even want to know because he’s not worth my memory space. It was even worse when Chloe (who has been great up until this point) told her to engage in sex with the guy and then later for her to leave because she was staying. However, despite my temptation to view this as a deterioration of character for Chloe to that static figure, I found it as just a revelation of her own problems and insecurities. We have seen consistently Chloe’s own problems and just because she did a few things that might be redeemable in our eyes, no one has helped Chloe fix these problems, so it’s only natural that these conflicts would stick around.

The hardest was watching Kester give Rae the sudden “professional” shoulder to Rae despite her assault and despite her completely distraught nature. Kester since series 1 has been developed as a moral, supervising figure. We trust Kester, just as Rae trusts Kester. In fact, he seems to be straddling this line of therapist and friend, leaning more on the friend side. Their relationship have developed this way since series 1 as a way for Kester to reassure Rae that she can always come to him. So, it made me distress that when this girl, recovering from a mental illness, comes to him again after being nearly sexually assaulted and he—because of his own personal life—steps back and decides not to help her unless she was actually physically hurt or on the verge of hurting herself seems problematic. Similarly, when he shuts the door in Rae’s face when she tries to seek help again after Finn leaves. Of course he should try to create a boundary between private and professional life (even if he didn’t make this boundary clear at first), there are other ways to turn down someone with mental problems that wouldn’t be so devastating or harming their self esteem.

On the same note of adults who were at fault in aiding in this spiral is Rae’s mom. Though I understand the necessity to enforce rules and restrictions on children, I thought Rae’s mom was treating her with little to no sensitivity. You would think knowing about Rae’s background of mental illness so intimately as she, would evoke some kind of balance in being both a parent in the form of supporter and guider. But, I suppose two people who are so similar to each other will often butt heads with each other, viewing their opinion as the right one above all, first and foremost. Maybe, the pregnancy may have added to this overreaction, but treating Rae so coldly seems out of hand. Despite everything, she’s still your daughter. I think that’s the struggle she faces when I try to sympathize with her. She loves Rae so much, it’s so clear but sometimes you get so fed up and the filter just vanishes. But you don’t want to stoop down to apologize no matter if it’s the right thing to do.

This is getting quite lengthy, so, I’ll make short comments about other plot points. Archie is great for calling out on Chop’s silence and generally standing up for himself. GO ARCHIE! I’m not sure why Izzy kissed that guy if she wasn’t attracted to him at all. Maybe, Chop was too suffocating as a boyfriend? Hopefully, this will be explored though with two episodes, I’m not quite sure how well it will be touched upon. Finn needs to return, a.s.a.p. I can’t have the group dissolved like this. I barely got them this series and I don’t like it.

Lastly, I have lost my once profound admiration and love for Liam that had been lighted in me last week. Goodbye, puppy eye MMFD shots. Goodbye, bad boy turned nice guy storylines. He was just a douche inside and out with a thin veil of niceness.

I hate that I fell for it, and I hate that this episode was so devastatingly good.



Ratings: ★★★★☆



M Y   M A D   F A T   D I A R Y   » Mondays, 10 PM → E4

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